Learning to Let Go of What I Can’t Control

The past two years have been tough for me.

I’ve been feeling more emotional, more anxious, and sometimes even a little depressed. 

Maybe it’s menopause, or maybe it’s just life piling up—but my mind has been in chaos.

Small problems feel big.
I overthink everything—what people say, what they don’t say, their actions, even their silence.
It gives me sleepless nights, stress, and a heavy feeling in my chest.

Then I came across some ideas from stoicism—a way of thinking that teaches you to focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t.

It made a lot of sense to me.
So I started paying more attention to these things, and it helped me slowly feel more calm and in control of myself.

Here are:

7 Things You Can’t Control in Life

1. Other people’s actions and opinions
   You can’t control how people act or what they think. Their choices are not your responsibility.

2. The past
   What’s done is done. You can’t change it. You can only decide how to live today.

3. The weather or natural events
   Storms, heat, disasters—you can’t stop them. But you can choose how you react.

4. How others see you
   People see things through their own life experiences. Not everyone will understand you, and that’s okay.

5. The reactions of people you love
   You can do your best and still not get the response you want. That’s not something you can force.

6. Timing
   Sometimes things take longer than we want. Life doesn’t always move on our schedule.

7. Chaos in the world
   The world is busy and noisy. You can’t change that—but you can choose to stay steady inside.

Reading these helped me realize that I’ve been trying to control too many things that are not mine to carry.

Now, I remind myself:
Let go of what I can’t control. Focus on what I can—my thoughts, my actions, my peace.

And slowly, I feel a little better.

Not perfect.
But stronger.
And a little more myself again.

 

When Your Brain Just… Blanks

 

Have you ever been right in the middle of a conversation—and then, poof—your mind just goes completely blank?

It happened to me recently during a meeting.

I was supposed to say something. I knew I had something to contribute. But when it was my turn to speak, my brain said:
“What am I going to say??”
...and then? Nothing. 😳

My mind went blank. Completely empty. And I just sat there, probably blinking too fast, looking like I had a thought—when I really didn’t.

Just me?

I don’t think so. Haha!

This has actually happened to me more times than I can count—mid-conversation, in group discussions, even during one-on-ones. Someone asks a question, and suddenly, it's like someone hit the "off" switch in my brain.

There’s a moment of silence, and I want to fill it—but I just can't think of what to say. It’s like my brain took a short vacation and forgot to tell me.

So of course, being the curious (and slightly frustrated) person I am, I started wondering:
Why does this happen?

Turns out, our brain is actually trying to protect us in those moments. Weird, right?

When we feel socially uncomfortable or threatened—even if the threat is just potential embarrassment—our brain can trigger the fight-or-flight response. That means blood rushes away from our prefrontal cortex (the thinking part of the brain) and into our body to prepare for "action."

Which is great if you're running from a tiger.
Not so helpful when you’re just trying to remember what you were going to say on a Zoom call.

Sometimes, I blame it on hormones. Menopause, to be specific. I’ve read that forgetfulness is one of the symptoms women experience—and honestly, I believe it. (I even read something helpful recently… but now I can’t remember where. See? Mind betrayal again!)

But I did remember one thing—and it’s a game-changer.

Let me introduce you to the 3-3-3 Reset Technique. This little trick helps when your mind goes blank and you feel yourself freezing up.

The 3-3-3 Reset Technique

1. Breathe:
Take three slow, deep breaths.
This calms your nervous system and signals to your body: “Hey, we’re safe here. No tigers.”
It also helps get blood flowing back to your brain so you can think again.

2. Notice:
Name three things you can see around you.
It can be anything: a cup, a light fixture, the person across from you.
This grounds you in the present moment and helps interrupt that anxiety spiral.

3. Share:
Use one of these three easy phrases to re-enter the conversation without pressure:

• “That’s such an interesting point. It reminds me of…”

• “I’m curious to hear more about what you just mentioned about…”

• “Actually, I had a similar experience when…”

What I love about this technique is that it doesn’t expect you to be brilliant. It just gives your brain a little structure to grab onto so you can climb out of that blank space.

Because honestly? We’re all human.
And sometimes, our brains do weird stuff.

The good news is—we don’t have to stay stuck.
We just need to pause, breathe, notice, and have a few helpful phrases ready.
Next time your brain blanks out… try the 3-3-3 reset. You’ve got this.

Discovering the "Parentified Daughter" Within Me

 During my recent trip to Sagada from January 3-5, 2025, I had the privilege of meeting an amazing psychologist who shared an insightful perspective on my life. What started as a casual encounter turned into an impromptu consultation that left a profound impact on me. She recommended that I look up the term "parentified daughter," suggesting that it might resonate deeply with my experiences.

As I delved into the concept, it was like holding a mirror to my life. Growing up as the eldest child, I never truly experienced what it meant to be a teenager. My childhood was overshadowed by responsibilities that were beyond my years. My father worked abroad, and my mother was busy with her own career, leaving me to take on the role of a caretaker for my younger siblings from an early age.

Even as an elementary school student, I was tasked with ensuring my siblings returned home on time, completed their chores, and avoided conflict. It was a lot for a child to handle, but I didn’t question it—it was simply what was expected of me. My mother often reminded me to set a good example for my siblings because they were watching my every move. She would tell me that if I failed, whether in my studies or other aspects of life, it might set a precedent for my siblings to follow.

This instilled a deep fear of making mistakes. I carried the weight of being the “perfect” older sister, always striving to be a role model. This fear often manifested as self-repression. I am an introvert, spending most of my time at home. My social circle was limited to one or two close friends, and I rarely attended parties or social events. Even when invited, my inner voice would rationalize that there was no need to go since we already had food at home.

Looking back, I realize how much I’ve missed out on—moments of carefree joy, exploration, and simply being a teenager. My sense of responsibility, though commendable, came at the cost of my own personal growth and freedom.

After graduation, when I found a job in the city, I took care of my own expenses. When my siblings went to college, we rented a home where they resided with me. My parents provided their tuition fees and allowances, while I paid for the rest of the house expenses.

Aside from my 8-5 job, I often worked overtime and took on side hustles to afford the house expenses. When my brother graduated from college and secured a job, he took over providing our younger brother's allowance. My mother continued to pay the tuition fees, and I still covered the remaining household expenses.

Learning about the concept of a "parentified daughter" has been both enlightening and validating. It has helped me understand that my experiences are not unique but shared by many eldest daughters who find themselves in similar situations. This realization is the first step towards acknowledging the impact it has had on my life and, hopefully, finding ways to heal and reclaim parts of myself that I’ve suppressed for so long.

Meeting that psychologist in Sagada felt serendipitous. Her simple suggestion has opened a door to self-discovery, allowing me to confront and make sense of my past. If you’ve ever felt the burden of being an “unofficial parent” to your siblings, I encourage you to explore this concept as well. It might just bring you the clarity and peace you didn’t know you needed.

Sagada Healing Journey 2025

 My Healing Journey in Sagada 

Last January 3-5, I embarked on a Sagada tour that had been on my bucket list for quite some time. Originally, I planned to go last year, but life got in the way. My friends were unavailable, and when I finally decided to join a group, my schedule became too hectic. This year, I resolved to make it happen and booked a trip through a travel agent organizing tours in Sagada. It turned out to be more than just a vacation—it became a journey of healing.

A Time for Reflection

As my 50th birthday approaches, I’ve been overwhelmed with emotions. Menopause, hormonal imbalance, and the weight of expectations from others have taken a toll on me. I’ve invited close friends to celebrate my milestone birthday, only to face a string of declines due to prior commitments. While I understand their reasons, it hurt deeply. It felt as though no one cared enough to adjust their plans for me. Coupled with other lingering personal challenges, this left me feeling sad and isolated.

Turning 50 has brought on feelings I never expected. Things that didn’t bother me before now weigh heavily on my mind. Despite being an introvert who once thrived on solitude, I’ve begun longing for deeper human connection. My family and friends are busy with their own lives, leaving me feeling alone with no one to turn to when I need someone to simply listen or be there.

New Connections

The Sagada trip offered me a chance to meet new people and form unexpected connections. Among the group were two wonderful ladies: one working online and the other, a psychologist. Despite our age differences, we bonded over shared experiences. One of them even provided me with an impromptu therapy session, allowing me to express feelings I’d been bottling up for a long time.

I cried silently multiple times during the trip, releasing the pain and loneliness I’d been carrying. It was cathartic, a necessary step toward healing. For the first time in a while, I felt understood and supported, even by people I’d just met.

The Wonders of Sagada

Beyond the emotional healing, Sagada offered breathtaking experiences that reignited my sense of adventure and appreciation for nature. We explored the Lumiang and Sumaguing Caves through a connecting spelunking adventure. Navigating tight openings and challenging passages for 4.5 hours was both exhausting and exhilarating. The sense of accomplishment upon emerging from the caves was indescribable.

Another highlight was witnessing the sea of clouds at Marlboro Hills during an early morning trek. The view was nothing short of magical. We also trekked to the Blue Soil Mountain, where the rain-soaked trail proved challenging but rewarding. Although some of my trek mates slipped on the slippery slopes, the experience was unforgettable and humbling.

We also visited the famous hanging coffins, a sight that left me in awe. Our guide explained in detail the traditions behind this practice and how the coffins are carefully placed on the mountainside. Learning about the deep cultural significance of this tradition gave me a profound appreciation for the rich heritage of the local people.

A Journey Within

This trip to Sagada was more than just ticking off an item on my bucket list. It became a turning point in my life. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to feel deeply, and to reconnect with parts of myself I had neglected. The beauty of Sagada—its caves, hills, and breathtaking landscapes—helped me find clarity and peace.

As I return home and prepare to celebrate my 50th birthday, I carry with me the lessons and memories from this journey. I’ve learned that healing takes time and that it’s okay to seek help and connection when needed. I’ve also discovered the importance of taking steps, no matter how small, toward reclaiming joy and purpose.

Sagada reminded me that I am not alone—not truly. Life’s journey is about embracing every moment, even the challenging ones, and finding beauty in the unexpected.

Mayon ATV Experience

 

Discovering Albay: My First Mayon ATV Adventure

Nestled in the heart of Bicol, the province of Albay is home to one of the Philippines' most iconic landmarks: the majestic Mayon Volcano. Known for its perfect cone shape and breathtaking views, Mayon has long been a bucket list destination for adventurers and nature lovers alike. Recently, I had the chance to visit Albay and embark on an unforgettable Mayon ATV adventure—an experience that combined adrenaline-pumping fun with awe-inspiring scenery.

Arrival and First Impressions

We arrived at the ATV base camp around 10 a.m., greeted by a blazing sun that seemed determined to make its presence known. Thankfully, I had packed my trusty windbreaker, which doubled as a shield against the scorching heat. My companions were equally prepared, donning their sweaters to keep the sun at bay. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement as other visitors geared up for their adventures.

Prepping for the Ride

Our first task was to choose an adventure package. The packages ranged from beginner-friendly trails to more challenging routes that promised spectacular views of Mayon Volcano. Once we made our selection, it was time to pick our helmets and ATVs. Each of us was assigned our own ATV, adding a thrilling personal touch to the experience.

Before hitting the trail, the friendly staff gave us a comprehensive briefing on the ATV’s functions and safety measures. They also arranged a test drive to assess our confidence and skills. For those who weren’t quite ready to drive solo, there was an option to ride as a passenger on a staff-operated ATV. Fortunately, I passed the test and was all set to conquer the trail on my own.

The Adventure Begins

As we set off, the rugged terrain immediately put our skills to the test. The trail wound through scenic landscapes, offering a mix of rocky paths, dirt roads, and grassy fields. Along the way, we encountered a small lake that reflected the blue sky and the lush greenery surrounding it. Of course, we couldn’t resist stopping for photos, with the magnificent Mayon Volcano serving as the perfect backdrop.

The experience was both exhilarating and humbling. The roar of the ATV engines was a stark contrast to the serene beauty of Mayon, reminding us of the delicate balance between adventure and nature. Despite the challenging trail, the joy of navigating it and the camaraderie among our group made it a truly unforgettable ride.

A Day to Remember

By the end of the adventure, we were dusty, sun-kissed, and brimming with stories to share. The Mayon ATV experience was not just a fun activity; it was a chance to connect with nature and appreciate the grandeur of one of the Philippines' natural wonders. If you’re planning a trip to Albay, I highly recommend adding this to your itinerary. Just remember to bring sun protection, a sense of adventure, and a camera to capture the memories.

This journey was a reminder that sometimes, the best way to explore is to embrace the thrill of the ride and let the beauty of the moment take your breath away.