If you see my reels and other social media posts, you’ll always see me smiling, laughing, and being playful — like I’m carefree. But what you don’t see is that I went through a real roller coaster of emotions from 2023 until early 2024.
The Silent Questions
I reached a point where I asked myself: “What am I really living for?” I even thought, “If I disappear, will anyone even remember me?” Sounds dramatic, right? But those thoughts were real. Don’t worry — I never thought of harming myself — but I did feel worthless, like my life didn’t matter, like there wouldn’t be anything worth saying in a eulogy about me.
Yes, I had achievements — I’m a trainer, I finished my MBA, I get to travel for work — but sometimes, even that doesn’t stop the heart from feeling heavy.
Why Was I Feeling This Way?
After reflecting (and with the help of my best friend Google), I found some possible reasons:
Hormonal imbalance — sometimes our bodies shift in ways we don’t fully understand, and the changes can affect how we feel day to day.
Menopause — I’ve reached this stage, and it’s not just about physical changes. It also brings mood swings, sleep problems, and moments when emotions feel too strong to handle.
Emotional triggers — old feelings I had bottled up for years finally came pouring out, almost like a dam breaking.
But beyond those, I realized there were deeper layers, too. I had been carrying quiet pressures and expectations — to always be strong, to always look okay on the outside. I rarely allowed myself to be vulnerable, so when my emotions started surfacing, they felt overwhelming.
I also noticed that isolation made it worse. Being an introvert, I often stayed in my room or office, thinking I was okay in my own world. But too much time alone gave my thoughts more space to spiral. Add in the lack of sleep, and suddenly even the smallest things felt heavier than they really were.
In short, it wasn’t just one reason. It was a mix — my body changing, my mind catching up with years of unspoken emotions, and the silence I kept myself in. And when all of that came together, it almost pulled me into depression.
Then I Said: This Can’t Be It
One day, I told myself: “No. I can’t just stay stuck here.” So I started taking small steps:
I reconnected with my high school classmates. They didn’t even know I was living in the province since 2020! Now, I say yes to more meetups.
I joined the Lions Club so I could feel a sense of belonging — like I matter to something bigger. (Roarrr 🦁)
I read self-help books and watched inspirational talks.
I enrolled in courses at TESDA and online. I finished Trainers Methodology I, Events Management Services, Bread and Pastry Production, and more.
All these gave me new focus and purpose. And the biggest blessing? Friends who listened without judgment. Even when I felt like I was overreacting, they stayed with me. That meant the world.
What Changed in Me
Through this journey, I realized something: maybe God allowed me to go through this so I could understand others better. Before, when I saw people being “too emotional,” I would think they just lacked control. Now, I know better. Sometimes, emotions are just too heavy to carry alone.
I even had a friend who was going through her own struggles. For almost two weeks, we cried together almost every day. In the past, I might have thought she was overreacting. But this time, I just hugged her and said, “I’m here.” Because I knew how that felt. And eventually, we both healed and returned to laughter and fun again.
Why Am I Sharing This?
Because maybe you’re like me — smiling on the outside, but carrying something heavy inside. I want you to know: you’re not alone. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Just send me a message. I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I can listen without judging.
I also attended a Mental Health Bootcamp and became a Certified Mental Health Trainer. I’m not a professional, but I want to help in my own small way — by being a safe space for stories.
Final Thoughts: Don’t compare your struggles with others. Big or small, your feelings are valid. Every tear, every weight, carries a lesson. And sometimes, these lessons allow us to connect with people on a deeper level. So here I am, sharing my story. Because sometimes, just telling your story makes the burden lighter.
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