Stop Being Too Nice: The Camera Method in Setting Boundaries

Today, a video popped up on my Facebook timeline. It said, “Stop being so nice — use the camera method.”

At first, I thought it was just another motivational clip. But as I listened, I found myself nodding all the way through.

The speaker compared people who are “too nice” to traffic lights.

You know how a traffic light gives you several chances — from green to yellow, to another yellow, and another one — before it finally turns red? Some people are like that. They give warning after warning, excuse after excuse, until they finally explode.

I realized I’ve been that kind of traffic light for a long time.

When people cancel plans at the last minute, I understand.
When someone talks to me only when they need something, I let it slide.
When someone disrespects me in small ways, I tell myself, “Maybe they didn’t mean it.”
Until one day, I reach my limit — and by then, it’s not pretty.

The video suggested something different:
Instead of being a traffic light, be like a traffic camera.

A camera doesn’t give endless warnings. It has a clear limit.
If you go over the speed limit, you get a fine. You learn your lesson.
Do it again, and there’s another consequence.
Eventually, you stop overspeeding — not because the camera got mad, but because it enforced boundaries.

That hit me. Hard.

I used to be better at setting limits. I remember in my younger years, when I’d wait only 15 minutes for a friend who was late. If they didn’t show up, I’d leave. And guess what? They were never late again.
Sometimes, if they knew that some group members were always late, my friends would give me a different time — an hour late than the actual one — just to make sure that they are already there when my time come.

Somewhere along the way, I became more tolerant — maybe too tolerant.
Maybe I thought being understanding made me kind. But I realize now, boundaries are not unkind. They’re healthy.

 Examples of Boundaries and Consequences

• Boundary: If someone keeps canceling plans last minute.
  Consequence: Stop initiating plans with them. Respect is mutual.

• Boundary: When a friend keeps oversharing your private stories.
  Consequence: Stop confiding in them. Trust must be earned, not assumed.

• Boundary: When someone speaks to you disrespectfully.
  Consequence: Calmly walk away or end the conversation. You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate.

• Boundary: When someone consistently ignores your messages but replies when they need something.
  Consequence: Match their energy. Stop making yourself too available.

• Boundary: When someone keeps showing up late.
  Consequence: Don’t wait endlessly. Respect your time — they’ll learn to do the same.

Setting boundaries isn’t about punishing people. It’s about teaching them how to treat you.
It’s about protecting your peace.
And most importantly, it’s about showing yourself the respect you’ve been giving away too easily.

Maybe it’s time I bring back my old “camera method.”
Not to be cold or distant, but to remind myself —
that kindness without boundaries isn’t kindness anymore.
It’s self-neglect dressed as patience.